Hands down, the most common question I get about intuition is how to know if it’s just fear talking.

My clients are frequently confused about whether they can really trust their intuition because they don’t know if it’s real. They confuse fear (and often, wishful thinking) for the voice of their intuition.

Living in a society that marginalizes intuition produces this conundrum. We don’t have a language to talk about intuition, our most natural resource, so we often feel ashamed and wary of it. When we actually receive a solid piece of intuitive intel, we are usually immediately suspicious. We dismiss it.

Another big reason we conflate fear with intuition is because we’re already tolerating a level of anxiety in our daily lives that is oppressive. So much so, that when we need to deal with realities that are actually concerning, many retreat into denial or magical-thinking. This is why the wellness community became vulnerable to conspiracy theories and the false idea that science isn’t trustworthy.

It is a great paradox to live in a world that is simply toxic from fear but making the choice to liberate our thinking from our worries is considered impossible and irresponsible. Intuition and maturity are not mutually exclusive, in fact, they are colleagues, but as long as intuition is seen as a sign of emotional immaturity or mental illness, the real dangers to our thinking remain there, lurking in our consciousness and ready to strike a death blow to any self-trust we have.

It seems realistic to be afraid, especially now. There is no question that life is incredibly difficult. Seemingly random and horrible things happen all the time. The amount of suffering on our planet right now is devastating. And the wellness and metaphysical communities have not helped one bit by taking the point of view that we can game life to be easy, and if we’re struggling it means we’ve failed in some way. They’ve created a response to fear that is more fantasy than hope, one that is blind to privilege, one that believes that the only life worth living is one in which we are always comfortable.

Thinking that we can harness the power of our minds to magically master our fate isn’t a good way to cope with worry, not even remotely.

There is no simple formula to living well nor should there be. Any kind of metaphysical philosophy that ignores the challenges we all face, trivializes the lessons we are here to learn. It demeans us as a civilization.

The sad fact is that intuition is constantly there to help us and we’re too frightened to listen.

our wtaf era

It’s not hard to wonder if we are currently being dragged along by the immoral, manic selfishness of a few of us. Greed is not sustainable, and the latest examples of its representatives in the form of the billionaire class, seem to be pretty instructive about the wellbeing of our planet and its species, which by the way we happen to be one of (don’t be like this). I have a few ideas about what the solution is, but I still can’t find my magic wand so we’ll have to leave that topic for another blog piece.

On the other hand, what if the story of our civilization is still unfolding? Despite the possibility that we might really be screwing up here on earth, if you’re looking in the right places you will always see more examples of what is truly human, and humane: our capacity for kindness, generosity, and healing even when measured against examples of cruelty, greed, and violence. What would happen if we chose to believe it’s just as likely something amazing will result from what we’re learning as much as anything else?

Which is the scariest thought to consider? That a bunch of jerks are ruining it for everyone? Or that life is pulling the best out of most of us, anyway?

worry is an action, chosen in response to uncertainty

Fear demands solutions from us and worrying is an attempt to find those solutions. What worry also does is fuel Figure It Out mode like nothing else. It’s like the most premium gasoline ever. Like a cup of organically grown coffee. Like the sun on the one patch of your skin that hasn’t had sunscreen properly applied to it.

Many of us experience worry without our permission. We worry constantly and can’t stop. When fear develops into a mental pattern that wears deep grooves into our thinking, it morphs into something like self-immolation.

Bowl enough gutter balls and you’re going to believe that’s all you can do.

the screamers

There are also lots of other ways anxiety and fear can take hold of our thinking, even if it’s not at a level that would be considered a mental illness. But however much or little you are struggling with fear, however realistic that fear seems, you cannot get access to your intuition without addressing fear-based thinking first. First and foremost, you must be healthy and strong when learning to use your intuition.

If you identify with not being able to feel anything other than fear, you are actually a prime candidate to learn how fear is only the loudest voice at your dinner table, mostly because it’s never been effectively uninvited. There are many great tools available to us. Medication, therapy, and self-help are designed to adjust our mental wellness before the bowling ball ever leaves our hands. You can create a lovely environment in which other parts of you feel free to participate in the discussion, including of course, your intuition. You just have to be able to tell the screamers to shut the fuck up already! and mean it.

There’s a reason why intuition is called the still, small voice.

weeding

Your intuition is powerful and clear, but you have spent many, many years discounting it. Unlearning the habits of a lifetime takes lots of practice (So. Much. Practice). Doubt has been allowed to grow like the weed bittersweet, unchecked and intertwining with the beautiful growing thing you are. If you’ve ever dealt with bittersweet, you know it is absolutely tenacious. By the time you realize that it has moved up through the branches of a shrub or hedge or girdled an oak tree, in order to eradicate it you’re going to have to attack its roots that have radiated underground in an impossibly complex and ever-widening system.

(By the way, I said bittersweet is “absolutely tenacious” but what I really meant was that it is absolutely an asshole. I have many days of battle, blisters and sweat to back me up).

yet more weeding

You will not be able to distinguish a fear-based thought from an intuitive one without experiencing how differently they feel in your body. Be patient and tireless in your work. Fear does not give up its power very easily. As a matter of fact, when it figures out you’re putting it out of a job, worry will be very offended that you’re not appreciating what is clearly its passionate commitment to your wellbeing. It will get more insistent and tell more extravagant lies. This is called an extinction burst. Stay the course.

You have a secret weapon, though. In order to easily distinguish very simply between fearful thoughts and your intuition, pay attention to your body. Since fear makes us tense and uncomfortable, and intuition is calming and grounding, you will always know which is which. No matter what kind of information your intuition is relaying to you, it will feel restful to receive it. So pay attention to how you feel. For a while, it might be hard to pick even one centering thought out of an onslaught of fearful ones. Keep at it. You’ll soon be able to tell the difference.

Remember the human survival instinct? Your intuition is actually its ally. Fear will argue that it can keep you from danger by justifying selfishness. But your gut will show you the way to participate in the highest good for the greatest number. Fear will isolate you, intuition will lead you to community. Fear will tell you to react, intuition will help you take effective action. Fear will tell you to grasp, intuition will inspire you to give and receive. Fear will tell you to turn away from suffering, intuition will show you how to help.

new growth

Intuition has another important job: to help you become entirely loveable to yourself and to teach you how to love others just as well. It can definitely help you transform circumstances in your life and partner with you to be creative. It absolutely will get you to your best life, no matter what. You might find yourself surprised by where you end up, but the way you get there will always be an inside job.

So even when we find ourselves in extremely challenging circumstances, even when we are facing unimaginable loss or feel like we have truly lost our way, even if we’re stuck in a hellscape that feels completely, absolutely, shatteringly wrong, our intuition is already working to show us how to live life well, right now, exactly as it is, and exactly as we are. In fact, the right now part of your journey, the one that you’re trying to keep breathing through–your real, actual life–is inextricably connected to the next part in ways that only your intuition can help you get to. You literally cannot get there without being fully here. That is the only way.

Our job is to know this, believe it, and trust it. You absolutely can. Only then can the benefits of separating worry from intuition become real. In that clearing, where every thought we think isn’t chained to the imagined worst possible scenario, do we really see the liberation that intuition is leading us to. We end up not only with a stronger relationship with our intuition, but a total transformation of the way we think about hardship.

Also, just a last piece of advice, and one you probably already know: always wear gardening gloves.