Friends, this election and its results, easily the most important in our lifetime, has blown my circuits so completely I don’t feel like I can even speak about it properly right now. But off the top, mostly what I’m feeling is joy.

Since early Wednesday morning when Maine’s results came in, I’ve either been sobbing with joy, about to sob with joy, trying to talk without sobbing with joy, or asleep.

And I’ve been feeling hope. Hope so real that it made me realize I’d actually given up on it, at least for myself, probably a decade ago. My life got very personally difficult at the exact moment on this timeline that Trump was elected in 2016. I had just lost my husband and my kids had been further traumatized by my own breast cancer diagnosis just a year after he died.

My deal with the Universe has always been to be of service, to always work in service of hope. I believed in it, I have always been committed to help create it for others no matter what, but feeling it myself? It was only this week that I realized I’d give up on that. I just wanted to stay alive for my kids and try to do some good in the world, so hope became a luxury I didn’t feel was necessary to pursue. I just got to work rebuilding a life and choosing actions that reflect decency, generosity, and compassion.

Now real hope has entered the chat and it has been completely disorienting.

Also, my neck hurts. And my back. And my arms and my right hand. As the adrenalin that’s been fueling us in our endeavor to elect our amazing slate of Democratic candidates here in Maine drains off, the reality of the 12 hours I spent at the polls registering hundreds of voters has set into my body.

We said yes to doing as much as we could here in York County to participate in our democracy and give her a fighting chance. Our home became the staging location for our area and this cycle we welcomed hundreds of canvassers to be trained in the deep listening that good door knocking requires. We knocked doors ourselves, made calls, encouraged and supported everyone else doing the work. Served a lot of Trader Joe’s pastries.

We were fully aware of how our Senate race was one of the most critical in the nation, how important it was to us as well, and we were driven by how we wanted to feel when we woke up the morning after election day. We needed to be able to say we did everything we possibly could, no matter what happened.

The thing that has saved me in the last decade more than anything else has been being of service. I made the decision to volunteer for the things that need doing, and let the results be up to the Universe. The suffering of the last 2 years especially has been particularly difficult for me, but it didn’t change what I did about it.

I just kept trying to help.

So this? This beautiful blue wave in all it’s sparkly glory? The wave created by so many of us who feel as strongly about getting through it and extending ourselves in whatever way we could to help? This wave that makes me proud to be an American citizen? This going to take a while to process.

In the meantime, even more joy is on its way: Bill and I are getting married!

I’m holding you in my heart always,

Susan